Phobia
by Charis77
Summary: Merlin's magic can't banish fear, especially the one he keeps hidden from Arthur and the knights. Set between series 3 and 4. Written from a prompt.


Author's Note: This was written in response to a prompt from Pri. My first prompt and I enjoyed writing it!

* * *

"Merlin, you're as slow as an ant devouring a crust of bread."

Merlin paused attaching Arthur's saddle to his horse and turned to his master with a smirk. "Take you all night long to think of that one?" Arthur had been trying to get way too creative with his insults recently.

"I thought it was clever," Arthur said, hands on his hips.

Merlin went back to the saddle. "Stick to traditional insults."

"Fine, then, dunderhead, get moving!"

Merlin shook his head, but smiled as he heard Arthur walk away. He finished securing Arthur's saddle, then led it out to the prince and his knights preparing for patrol. Arthur didn't really need to go on patrol. He was regent after all, and he could have just ordered the knights to do it. But the fact that he did do it made him a good ruler, and Merlin beamed with pride.

Merlin led the horse to Arthur, who took the reins from him. "Finally. Now see to your own."

"I'm already prepared, sire," he replied, gesturing to his saddled horse.

"Well, carry this in your saddle bag." Arthur slapped a packet of dried meat in Merlin's hands.

"What's wrong with your saddle bag?" Merlin asked.

"It's full."

"Of food?"

"Merlin, just do it."

"You do know people are starting to say the prince is a bit podgy."

"Podgy?" Arthur asked, brow creased. "You're just saying that."

Merlin shrugged and walked over to his horse. He opened his saddle bag and yelped, jumping backwards.

"What now?" Arthur questioned in exasperation, striding over to his servant.

Merlin spoke between breaths. "A...snake."

Arthur opened the saddle bag and pulled out a long green coil. He turned, a grin on his face. Merlin heard the knights around him snickering and glanced at them. Arthur stepped towards him, dangling the coil. Merlin backed up a step, then realized he was looking at a piece of rope stained green.

Merlin scowled. "Very funny."

The knights burst into full blown laughter and Arthur joined them. He shoved the disguised rope into Merlin's hands and patted him on the back. "That was too easy." He marched over to his horse. "Mount up! Let's get moving!"

Merlin flung the rope away into a bush and swung up onto his horse, a memory coming back to him as he followed at the back of the patrol—a mother screaming as she carried her child, limp and seizing, the boy's eyes rolling back into his head as Merlin's mother leaned over him and tried to save him. He hadn't died. They had defeated the snake's poison and brought the boy back to the land of the living, but it didn't matter to Merlin, only four at the time. Snakes had terrified him from that moment forward.

Merlin shuddered as he rode, recalling the snakes he'd been forced to face since coming to Camelot—Valiant's enchanted shield and the Questing Beast, who had almost killed Arthur. He'd fought his fear for Arthur's sake both times, but he hadn't overcome it.

Gwaine slowed his horse, waiting for Merlin to catch up. He smiled cockily. "Are you really alright?"

Merlin forced a smile. "Stupid prank."

"But it worked." Gwaine chuckled and Merlin made himself join in.

* * *

Arthur raised a hand, halting the patrol. He motioned silently to the knights, directing them into two groups, one moving left and the other right. He took the middle and gestured Merlin to his side.

"What is it?" Merlin whispered.

Arthur shook his head.

"Bandits?"

"Merlin," Arthur hissed. " _Silent_ signals?"

"Oh. Right."

Arthur rolled his eyes.

Merlin sent his sight ahead. Three men crouched in wait, two more on the right, none on the left. He caught Arthur's eye and gestured with two fingers to the left. Arthur jabbed his own fingers ahead. Merlin shook his head and jerked his hand to the left. Arthur widened his eyes in frustration and started forward anyway. Merlin pressed his heels into his horse's sides and leaped ahead of Arthur.

"Merlin!" Arthur whispered harshly.

Merlin dashed ahead and his eyes flashed gold, sending the three men in wait flying before Arthur caught up to him. "There!" he shouted at the men, two struggling to their feet, the third knocked unconscious.

Arthur jumped off his horse and drew his sword. As he ran to meet the two men, he shouted, "What were you thinking?"

"Protecting you," Merlin answered honestly.

"Stay behind me!"

Arthur met the men, thrusting with his sword. One went down rather quickly. Merlin heard the clash of metal against metal to his right. He sent his sight out again. Percival and Lancelot fought their own battle and seemed to be doing a good job of it. Their enemies were quickly dispatched and they rushed to Arthur and Merlin. Arthur had just stabbed his sword through the heart of the second man and was yanking it out.

"Where're the others?" Lancelot asked, glancing around.

Arthur looked to his left. "Come on!" He began to climb a steep rise, but didn't get too far before a voice shouted behind them.

"Prince Arthur!"

Arthur, Merlin, and the knights turned. Arthur sprinted forward, then stalled when several more men appeared, three gripping the bound hands of his other knights—Gwaine, Elyan, and Leon—and holding knives to their throats.

Arthur lowered his sword. "What do you want?"

"Something you have," the apparent leader, a hulking bald man with a swirling tattoo on the left side of his face, answered.

"Well?"

The leader smiled mischievously. "You'll see." He motioned to some of his men who approached them, disarmed the last of Arthur's patrol, and bound their hands behind their backs. Merlin submitted, unable to find a way to surreptitiously use his magic.

The men linked Arthur, Merlin, and the knights together with rope around their ankles. They shuffled along, surrounded on all sides by their enemies.

* * *

The forced march ended about half an hour later at an encampment sheltered on three sides by large rocks. They were prodded to the back to the edge of a large pit. Merlin glanced down. It wasn't too deep, but they wouldn't be able to climb out. Their hands were unbound.

"If you want something I have, then let my men go," Arthur tried to negotiate. "They've done nothing to you."

"And let them bring reinforcements?" The leader laughed. He stepped up to Arthur tied at one end of the ankle rope. "Enjoy your accommodations." He pushed Arthur backwards, causing a domino effect. Merlin was dragged back by Arthur's weight, then came Lancelot, Elyan, Percival, Gwaine, and Leon. They ended up in a heap at the bottom of the pit.

"Ow," Gwaine muttered.

Elyan groaned.

"Get. Off." Arthur commanded. They untangled themselves and Arthur touched his side. "You all weigh a ton," he complained as he'd been at the bottom of the pack.

"You're one to talk," Gwaine said. "Getting podgy, wasn't it?"

Arthur glared at Merlin, who shrugged helplessly. As their arms were untied, they saw to their feet and were soon free once more, at least, to move around the pit. Merlin settled down on the floor, assuming they were in for a long stay and trying to figure out how to get them out of this predicament.

Arthur paced back and forth. "What could they possibly want? We aren't carrying anything of value."

" _You_ are valuable," Leon suggested.

Arthur paused. "Hm...Yes."

Merlin thought of a spell that could throw him up in the air and toss him out of the pit. He couldn't use it right now, of course, but if they were here long enough and the others fell asleep...But how would he explain getting out in the first place? He eyed the rope. Yes! He could claim he'd thrown it out and it had hooked onto something.

"And what are _you_ thinking about, Merlin?"

Arthur's question drew Merlin out of his thoughts. "What?"

Arthur shook his head. "Never mind. You weren't thinking anything."

Merlin looked down at his hands, annoyed. What he really wanted to do was shout, "I'm thinking about how to save your neck like I have a hundred times over!" Arthur had said they were all equal at the round table, but it wasn't quite true for him. Since Arthur had made Lancelot, Gwaine, Elyan, and Percival knights, he'd felt the gap in status between himself and them widen. They had all been common men—well, Gwaine lived like one—and as unimportant as Merlin had seemed to be. But now they were all honored knights and he was still nothing but a lowly servant.

Lancelot smiled encouragingly at him. Merlin smiled wanly back, observing that Lancelot smiled, but still hadn't spoken up to defend him.

* * *

Time passed. Merlin just wanted night to fall and all of them to go to sleep so he could go about rescuing them like always. The longer they were here, the more likely something awful would happen. And then awful did happen.

Footfalls sounded at the edge of the pit and they looked up to see the leader with two of his henchmen on either side. They held baskets in their hands. The leader grinned. "Doing alright down there?"

None of them replied, though several sent the leader threatening glances.

"I've brought you company."

The baskets were overturned and Merlin watched in horror as snakes poured out. The knights jumped back, out of the way of the falling reptiles. The snakes landed in piles, hissing, apparently quite angry at being treated so carelessly. Merlin backed into the pit wall, eyes wide in fear.

The leader and his men disappeared. Arthur and the knights peered at the snakes and Percival suddenly laughed. "They're harmless." He walked over and picked one up, grasping the head between a thumb and forefinger. The snake wrapped around his arm. "I played with these when I was a boy."

Elyan gazed down at the wiggling snakes. "What good is it to throw these at us?"

"To scare us!" Gwaine said sarcastically. "Ooooooo."

The knights all laughed; Merlin didn't move.

Arthur glanced over at him. "Merlin? What _are_ you doing?"

Merlin gulped.

"I forgot one," the leader called from above, flinging one last snake into the pit. It landed on Merlin's shoulder and he screamed shrilly, squirming away.

Arthur guffawed. "Merlin, you're such a girl." He strode over to his servant and picked up the snake, flinging it with the others who were calming down across the way.

Merlin glared at Arthur as the knights chuckled.

"No wonder our prank worked so well. You're paranoid about snakes."

Merlin stared at each man in turn, anger tightening his chest. _If you only knew how I faced my fears to save you twice._ He bit back the temptation to throw magic in Arthur's face right now and prove how very powerful he really was.

"You really are scared," Lancelot spoke quietly. All eyes turned to him. "You could have told us."

Merlin's anger made it to his lips. "Told you? And have you ridicule me more? I'm already the nothing servant who's only interaction with you is 'Get this, Merlin,' 'Do that, Merlin,' 'Cook us dinner, Merlin.' And any time I try to tell you anything important you make a joke of it and don't listen to a word I say. So what would be the point of even trying to tell you anything?"

Silence fell over the pit. Even Arthur looked away from him. Merlin felt heat rise in his cheeks. He hadn't meant for any of that come out. He swallowed uncomfortably. "Eh...sorry...I shouldn't have...I didn't mean to..."

"Spiders." Merlin, Arthur, and the other knights looked to the soft spoken Lancelot. "I hate spiders. They terrify me. They're creepy and crawly and I'd kill them all if I could."

Merlin raised his eyebrows. "Spiders scare you? Are you serious?"

Lancelot nodded. "I found one in my glove once and screamed like a girl. It was my luck no one was around to hear it." He smiled.

The knights exchanged glances, and Elyan cleared his throat, crossing his arms over his chest. "I can't swim because I'm afraid of drowning."

"Great," Arthur said. "What if we ever have to cross a river?"

"If I fall, you better save me."

"Well, seeing as we're _baring_ our souls," came Gwaine's cocky voice, "don't ever let me see a bear."

"Bears?" Elyan laughed.

"Why not?" Gwaine returned. "They're vicious, especially the mothers. They can rip your throat out and maul you to shreds."

"Are you sure you aren't talking about the women you've offended?" Percival asked.

Gwaine shrugged. "I suppose there is a parallel." He smirked. "And what about you?" he added to Percival.

Percival scanned the expectant faces. "You won't laugh?"

"Can't promise that," Gwaine said.

"We told ours. Come on, Percival!" Lancelot chided.

Percival took a long breath. "I hate...being up high."

Elyan tilted his head. "You mean up in the mountains?"

"Walking the battlements."

Arthur shook his head. "So every time I've assigned you watch up there, you're scared out of your wits?"

"I just don't go close to the edge," Percival admitted, his cheeks reddening.

"But how can you see anything then?" Arthur questioned.

"It's not just me up there usually." Arthur opened his mouth to say more, but Percival deflected, pointing at Leon. "You haven't said what you're afraid of."

Leon looked around nervously.

"Tell us," Gwaine called out.

"It's...childish," the noble knight whispered.

"Gwaine's afraid of cuddly bears!" Percival protested. "Yours can't be worse."

Leon sighed. "Thunder."

There was a twittering of laughter throughout the pit. Even Merlin smiled at that one. He loved the booming storms that came through Camelot, shaking his tower room with their power.

"See, Merlin?" Arthur said good-naturedly, resting a hand on his servant's shoulder. "You're not as alone as you think." He walked away. "Now, we need to think of escape."

"You didn't tell yours," Merlin noted quietly.

"What?" Arthur asked.

"Yes," Gwaine confirmed. "What does our prince fear?"

"I'm sure I said it," Arthur answered. "Now, escape..."

"Are you afraid to tell us?" Elyan admonished. "I never thought you a coward."

Arthur glared at the knight. "I'm not afraid of anything."

"You're lying!" Gwaine said, squaring off to face Arthur. "Everyone is afraid of something."

Merlin caught Arthur's eye and smiled slowly. Arthur looked away from him. "It's stupid."

"You can't know all our fears and not tell us yours," Leon insisted.

Arthur folded his hands over his chest and stood up tall. "Fine, then. Jesters. I hate jesters. I see one coming and go the other way."

Merlin and the knights shared glances and all burst out laughing.

Arthur flung out a hand. "Like yours were any less stupid."

"Why jesters?" Leon asked.

"They try to make you look foolish and you're the butt of their jokes."

Lancelot narrowed his eyes. "That can't be the only reason."

Arthur sighed. "When I was a child, one tried an acrobatic trick and dropped me."

The knights and Merlin smiled.

"Alright," Arthur said. "So, we now know we're all girls when it comes to something."

Merlin noticed a snake that had slithered away from its fellows and made it to his feet. He slid along the wall. Arthur picked it up and threw it back. He met Merlin's eyes. "Brave men aren't fearless." Merlin smiled with half his mouth.

Arthur turned to the knights. "If they were, we wouldn't be knights." He looked back to Merlin. "Or loyal servants."

Lancelot moved over to the snakes and stood next to them. He gestured to Percival who joined him. The other knights followed, forming a defensive line.

"Sit down, Merlin," Arthur ordered.

Merlin sat down across from the knights, protected from his fear by their kindness.

"Back to escape," Arthur said.

* * *

Night fell and the prince and knights finally slept. Merlin scanned them to be sure all of them were solidly unconscious. They weren't so different after all. Fear didn't care about status; it struck every man. The key was to fight it anyway.

Merlin stood. He incanted a spell. The rope lifted into the air, and Merlin directed it into his hands. He pulled off his belt and fiddled with the buckle, his eyes glowing as he shaped it into a hook. He attached it to one end of the rope. He observed the snakes for a moment. The knights had kept them away and they, too, had settled. He took a breath. He knew what to do with them. He looked up. " _A_ _ræme_."

Merlin shot up from the ground. He leaned forward so that he landed outside the pit on the far side. Their attackers lay around a crackling fire. He looked for anything the rope might hook onto. There! A wagon. He tiptoed around the pit and up to the wagon, kneeling down to secure his hook to its axle. He was just about to stand up when he felt the tip of a sword press into his back. He turned slowly and beheld the leader holding the thickest snake yet in his hands.

Merlin stared at it, his heart thumping so loudly he felt it pounding in his ears.

"This one is only for you, Emrys."

"Em...Emrys?" Merlin stammered.

The leader nodded. "I'm a Druid. I know who you are. I've met Morgana. She doesn't know you, but she did know what she thought to be a common servant feared. Idle talk granted me an opportunity. And now I will have you, the great Emrys, and you will work for me."

"Work?"

"I left my people's ways long ago. No profit in it. I could use a captive sorcerer like you. Your power would be invaluable." The man thrust the snake at Merlin. The warlock backed into the wagon. "This will be your keeper." The snake rose, its head swaying back and forth in front of Merlin's eyes. _Brave men aren't fearless,_ he chanted to himself.

" _Nædre ásæle_!" The snake shot out and began to encircle Merlin's arm.

Merlin closed his eyes, ignoring the goosebumps that rose along his skin. " _Nædran áræmaþ ond forwiexaþ._ " He opened his golden eyes right before the snake on his arm bared its fangs. He looked straight at it and the snake's neck cracked. Its head lolled.

The leader's eyes widened.

"You were foolish to come after me," Merlin spoke darkly. His eyes gleamed again and the man flew back across the ground.

Merlin looked to the pit. The snakes had risen above it and were twisting in the air, growing larger by the second. They fell to the ground and slithered towards the camp. Merlin shook the snake from his arm and rushed to the pit, rope in hand. He threw it down. "Arthur! Arthur!"

Arthur sat up, running a hand through his hair. "Merlin?"

"Up here."

"How did you get up there?"

"I made a hook from my belt buckle and threw the rope up here. It caught."

Arthur stared, flabbergasted. "You did _what_?"

"Just climb up."

Arthur quickly stood and shook the other knights. "We're escaping. Now!"

Soon they were all outside the pit and staring at a commotion. The attackers were coming awake, screeching and running from enormous snakes.

Arthur stared in amazement. "They must have had more and they escaped."

" _We_ need to escape!" Merlin shouted. He took off running and heard the footsteps of his friends following behind him.

* * *

It took Arthur, Merlin, and the knights some time to backtrack and find their horses, but by daylight they were back on the road to Camelot. Merlin noticed that he was suddenly in the middle of them all, as if they had made some kind of pact to protect him. He smiled to himself as they also spoke frequently to him, purposefully engaging him in conversation.

When Camelot came into view, the horses picked up their pace. They found their way to the stables. As Arthur handed the reins of his horse to his servant, Merlin fixed him with a stare.

"What?" Arthur asked, narrowing his eyes.

"Are you _really_ afraid of jesters?" It had sounded so silly to Merlin's ears, even if it had made him feel better. "Were you just saying that for my sake?"

Arthur widened his eyes. "Me? Lie?"

Merlin turned his head, looking at Arthur with a critical eye.

Arthur grinned. "I guess you'll never know." He clapped Merlin on the shoulder and traipsed away as if he owned the world.

Merlin stared after him, prouder than ever to be a simple servant to the prince of Camelot.


End file.
